Does anyone else seem to get ill/injured on good/planned days?
Over the years I have been getting more and more unfortunate with this.
To date, (and these are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head) I've had food poisoning when I was supposed to go on holiday, had an asthma attack at New Year, broke my front tooth on Boxing day, got hives (Yes, hives) before my first ever stage "part" at school, twisted my ankle on holiday, stood on a plug when getting ready for a work night out, had the flu for Jake's birthday, had the flu again for New year, had laryngitis on the first day of college, tore my hamstring (the first time) the day Jake started Uni, tore my hamstring (the second time) on my Gran's birthday and now have flared up the same hamstring injury again last night on CHRISTMAS DAY!!
ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!
WHY?!
Sorry.
I just had to let that complete and utter frustration out.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Seriously. I need to know if this is just me.
I'm already quite a clumsy fool in general but this is just the unfortunate sort of life I lead. Half of the time I don't think people believe me either. I should also mention that the above are just the things that happen on planned event days, these don't include the many many other accidents/injuries/illnesses I suffer annually. It seems to be getting worse each year.
I will either fall over, burn myself, cut my finger, stub my toe, drop stuff on my feet at least once a week. I will also catch whatever virus is going around.
I don't even know what to say.
It's not even as if I can say "I should just stay at home out of harms way" because at home is where 90% of this stuff happens. That includes all 3 of the hamstring injuries.
What do I actually do?
Send help.
And paracetamol.
Thursday 27 December 2012
Wednesday 19 December 2012
My new attitude.
Recently I've been having trouble with my tolerance for others.
I apologise in advance for how very self-indulgent this is.
I used to be quite a sociable gal and moderately tolerant. This has become increasingly short over recent years, since becoming independent and having to deal with people on my own, since starting to work with the public and even more so since becoming involved in performing arts as a "career." I did predict this, but not to quite this extent.
Sigh. Okay...
I may be wrong, but in my opinion, overall I'm a "nice" person. I mean well at least. I'm usually polite and respectful. I like to let people speak and wait for appropriate times to reply. I like to give people a chance to express their opinion and in return hope they'll let me express mine. I was brought up to value this sort of behaviour. I really do value manners. I also value honesty. Very much. Even if your honesty isn't what the person wants to hear (there are some obvious exceptions to this, like hurtful and unnecessary honesty) I think in most cases it's better than a lie. I am by no means perfect, I have had my moments like everyone else, and have been known to not know when to keep my mouth shut, but I do try to be these things as much as I can. I do quite well considering how often I'm put under circumstances where I'd rather not.
However, in the past few weeks, I've started to doubt my methods.
As I said, I was brought up to have manners and respect for others, but also only to tolerate a certain amount of aggravation before speaking up. When I was younger I used to find that really difficult. I was quite a shy wee girl and didn't like to get into arguments. I'd always back down because I was afraid of the conflict. This has changed gradually over the years, and if its really necessary I will speak up if there's a problem, but only after quite a bit of pushing, and only if I feel confident that the person in question wont punch me. I've gotten far better at it than ever, but still, there's work to be done.
In the past 4 years or so, I've started to become my own person, and not a silly teenager anymore. I've begun to learn who I am (and all that nonsense) and really think about what I want and who I want to be.
Personally, I am inspired by people who speak their mind, people who aren't afraid to stand their ground even if no one stands on their side. People who wont take shit and will challenge something if they think its wrong. I am inspired by people who genuinely don't care what other people think of them because they are happy with who they are. People who have enough self-respect not to let people talk down to them.
I have become so aware lately that I'm not quite one of those people. Yet!
If you know me, you'll know I am by no means a wallflower, quite the opposite. I also have a line, and once you cross it you'll lose my respect forever.
However, there have been too many occasions where inside I have been saying "Don't speak to me like that." or "What is your fucking problem?" but have said nothing. Or where I have sat in silence and listened to a conversation that I find disrespectful or in some cases fucking horrible and said nothing because well, it's easier not to have to live with tension isn't it? At the time I've thought that I was being the smarter one, not getting involved, but now it's starting to affect me. I'm starting to feel that I'm sacrificing myself in some ways by pretending.
I think the issue sometimes is that I'm really bad at falling out with people. I find it really awkward and unnatural to keep up the whole "I'm angry at you" thing. Sometimes I actually forget and am accidentally nice to them. (Unless of course it's something really bad.)
Then there's the fact that to some extent I do care what people think of me. I definitely don't need to be liked by everyone, but I do like to feel understood, and obviously it's nicer to be liked. I'd hate for someone to dislike me without giving me a chance but if they got to know me and just didn't fancy what I have to offer, then I suppose that's fine.
I'm rambling....
I guess what I'm trying to say is that what sometimes stops me from speaking up until a certain point is that I don't want to look like a right cow. (Or like one of those "opinionated" people who just disagree with everyone for the sake of it. Eurgh. Those people.)
I have decided today that a new attitude is in order.
From today I would like myself to say "Don't speak to me like that" or "You are out of order" or "I'm not happy with that" (see how fucking polite I am!) instead of saying nothing. I would like to take myself away and not associate myself with those that spark these feelings.
I have tended not to be so tolerant of the bad attitudes of customers at work of late. I realised I just don't care about the job enough to allow it. The first time I said "There's no need to be rude" it actually worked. She stopped being rude. Who'd have thought it?
Today I got myself away from a situation that I knew would lead to feeling this way. Then later, I (sort of) gave the same attitude back to someone who gave it to me (and has been giving it to me for several years now) for the first time (trust me they deserve it).
These are baby steps, but to me these are positive steps towards the new attitude and being the sort of person I wish to be.
I have no idea how this will go. Honestly. It will probably take quite a lot of work for me to keep this new attitude up.
Promise I'll try and be funny next time.
Also, I'd like people's opinions on this issue or any issue. Just bloody talk to me!
:)
I apologise in advance for how very self-indulgent this is.
I used to be quite a sociable gal and moderately tolerant. This has become increasingly short over recent years, since becoming independent and having to deal with people on my own, since starting to work with the public and even more so since becoming involved in performing arts as a "career." I did predict this, but not to quite this extent.
Sigh. Okay...
I may be wrong, but in my opinion, overall I'm a "nice" person. I mean well at least. I'm usually polite and respectful. I like to let people speak and wait for appropriate times to reply. I like to give people a chance to express their opinion and in return hope they'll let me express mine. I was brought up to value this sort of behaviour. I really do value manners. I also value honesty. Very much. Even if your honesty isn't what the person wants to hear (there are some obvious exceptions to this, like hurtful and unnecessary honesty) I think in most cases it's better than a lie. I am by no means perfect, I have had my moments like everyone else, and have been known to not know when to keep my mouth shut, but I do try to be these things as much as I can. I do quite well considering how often I'm put under circumstances where I'd rather not.
However, in the past few weeks, I've started to doubt my methods.
As I said, I was brought up to have manners and respect for others, but also only to tolerate a certain amount of aggravation before speaking up. When I was younger I used to find that really difficult. I was quite a shy wee girl and didn't like to get into arguments. I'd always back down because I was afraid of the conflict. This has changed gradually over the years, and if its really necessary I will speak up if there's a problem, but only after quite a bit of pushing, and only if I feel confident that the person in question wont punch me. I've gotten far better at it than ever, but still, there's work to be done.
In the past 4 years or so, I've started to become my own person, and not a silly teenager anymore. I've begun to learn who I am (and all that nonsense) and really think about what I want and who I want to be.
Personally, I am inspired by people who speak their mind, people who aren't afraid to stand their ground even if no one stands on their side. People who wont take shit and will challenge something if they think its wrong. I am inspired by people who genuinely don't care what other people think of them because they are happy with who they are. People who have enough self-respect not to let people talk down to them.
I have become so aware lately that I'm not quite one of those people. Yet!
If you know me, you'll know I am by no means a wallflower, quite the opposite. I also have a line, and once you cross it you'll lose my respect forever.
However, there have been too many occasions where inside I have been saying "Don't speak to me like that." or "What is your fucking problem?" but have said nothing. Or where I have sat in silence and listened to a conversation that I find disrespectful or in some cases fucking horrible and said nothing because well, it's easier not to have to live with tension isn't it? At the time I've thought that I was being the smarter one, not getting involved, but now it's starting to affect me. I'm starting to feel that I'm sacrificing myself in some ways by pretending.
I think the issue sometimes is that I'm really bad at falling out with people. I find it really awkward and unnatural to keep up the whole "I'm angry at you" thing. Sometimes I actually forget and am accidentally nice to them. (Unless of course it's something really bad.)
Then there's the fact that to some extent I do care what people think of me. I definitely don't need to be liked by everyone, but I do like to feel understood, and obviously it's nicer to be liked. I'd hate for someone to dislike me without giving me a chance but if they got to know me and just didn't fancy what I have to offer, then I suppose that's fine.
I'm rambling....
I guess what I'm trying to say is that what sometimes stops me from speaking up until a certain point is that I don't want to look like a right cow. (Or like one of those "opinionated" people who just disagree with everyone for the sake of it. Eurgh. Those people.)
I have decided today that a new attitude is in order.
From today I would like myself to say "Don't speak to me like that" or "You are out of order" or "I'm not happy with that" (see how fucking polite I am!) instead of saying nothing. I would like to take myself away and not associate myself with those that spark these feelings.
I have tended not to be so tolerant of the bad attitudes of customers at work of late. I realised I just don't care about the job enough to allow it. The first time I said "There's no need to be rude" it actually worked. She stopped being rude. Who'd have thought it?
Today I got myself away from a situation that I knew would lead to feeling this way. Then later, I (sort of) gave the same attitude back to someone who gave it to me (and has been giving it to me for several years now) for the first time (trust me they deserve it).
These are baby steps, but to me these are positive steps towards the new attitude and being the sort of person I wish to be.
I have no idea how this will go. Honestly. It will probably take quite a lot of work for me to keep this new attitude up.
Promise I'll try and be funny next time.
Also, I'd like people's opinions on this issue or any issue. Just bloody talk to me!
:)
Wednesday 5 December 2012
Festivus: the holiday for the rest of us.
Hello there, you wonderful human. I can tell you're wonderful because some part of your brain cares for my opinions.
KIDDING.
So, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Shops are playing irritatingly joyful music and the ground is slippy as fuck.
I'm sorry. I used to love Christmas, but this year I'm just...I don't know...not quite feeling it so far.
I'm about to sound really boring and possibly pretentious but here goes.
In recent years, I've started to realise that celebrating Christmas makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I am by no means a christian or even religious at all. Why would I celebrate the birth of a child that I'm unsure even existed?
Then there's the fact that I sort of grudge the wastefulness and not entirely deserving indulgence of it all. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy buying gifts for people I love, but it's the pressure of feeling like we all have to because Jesus says so.
I've celebrated all my life because my family do but now that I'm an "adult" and make my own life decisions (well, I try) and all that, should I really bother? Technically I shouldn't.
However, I have several problems with this idea: I love eating, drinking and being merry (so much!), I love an excuse to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol/The Grinch and to spend time with my nearest and dearest.
I voiced these opinions to J* who told me to celebrate Atheist-mas instead, or as it's (sort of) officially known: "Festivus."
I looked up "Festivus" to discover that it is a "secular holiday celebrated as a way to commemorate the holiday season without participating in its pressures and commercialism" which to me sounded just perfect and exactly the excuse I needed. It is meant to be celebrated on the 23rd of December but...yeah that's not happening.
Christmas is obviously fun and lovely, and I enjoy it, but it seems like the best parts of it actually have nothing to do with why it exists in the first place.
I guess there are lots of people out there that only really celebrate Christmas because the people around them do and many of them probably haven't thought about it as much I have. Maybe I just need to care less and drink more?
So...what am I going to do at Christmas you ask?
Well, darn it, I'm going to wear a festive jumper, eat 'til I burst and drink 'til I need several naps just like the rest of you because, let's be honest, I can't actually think of anything better.
*I'm starting to think I should just call him Jake, as that's his name and no one cares enough to stalk my blog and then kidnap him. There you go.
KIDDING.
So, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Shops are playing irritatingly joyful music and the ground is slippy as fuck.
I'm sorry. I used to love Christmas, but this year I'm just...I don't know...not quite feeling it so far.
I'm about to sound really boring and possibly pretentious but here goes.
In recent years, I've started to realise that celebrating Christmas makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I am by no means a christian or even religious at all. Why would I celebrate the birth of a child that I'm unsure even existed?
Then there's the fact that I sort of grudge the wastefulness and not entirely deserving indulgence of it all. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy buying gifts for people I love, but it's the pressure of feeling like we all have to because Jesus says so.
I've celebrated all my life because my family do but now that I'm an "adult" and make my own life decisions (well, I try) and all that, should I really bother? Technically I shouldn't.
However, I have several problems with this idea: I love eating, drinking and being merry (so much!), I love an excuse to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol/The Grinch and to spend time with my nearest and dearest.
I voiced these opinions to J* who told me to celebrate Atheist-mas instead, or as it's (sort of) officially known: "Festivus."
I looked up "Festivus" to discover that it is a "secular holiday celebrated as a way to commemorate the holiday season without participating in its pressures and commercialism" which to me sounded just perfect and exactly the excuse I needed. It is meant to be celebrated on the 23rd of December but...yeah that's not happening.
Christmas is obviously fun and lovely, and I enjoy it, but it seems like the best parts of it actually have nothing to do with why it exists in the first place.
I guess there are lots of people out there that only really celebrate Christmas because the people around them do and many of them probably haven't thought about it as much I have. Maybe I just need to care less and drink more?
So...what am I going to do at Christmas you ask?
Well, darn it, I'm going to wear a festive jumper, eat 'til I burst and drink 'til I need several naps just like the rest of you because, let's be honest, I can't actually think of anything better.
*I'm starting to think I should just call him Jake, as that's his name and no one cares enough to stalk my blog and then kidnap him. There you go.
Sunday 25 November 2012
I don't know what this blog is going to be about.
Hiya :)
It's anyone's guess what I'm about to say here... I just kinda' felt obliged to blog today as I haven't in well over a week. I was planning on doing it yesterday but have just had no inspiration.
We've been given a week off after the show and I am using it to be the laziest girl in the world. I've done nothing since Friday night really and keep convincing myself that I deserve it.
I've just said to J "We are the laziest arses in the world."
"Sunday is the day of rest. Saturday is also good...for resting...and have a wee rest on Friday too if you're off." was his reply.
That might just become my motto.
So... the show went pretty amazing.
The feedback I got from the director/lecturer was better than I could've imagined and of course I'm really happy with that, but it isn't the most important thing to me.
The thing is, (and I really hope this doesn't sound arrogant) I always knew I had it in me to do it. From the moment I heard the song "Scars of Love" from this show, I knew I wanted this part. I pictured myself up on that stage singing it in front of everyone I know and love and was so determined that somehow I'd make it happen.
It feels like it's been a while since I felt strong enough to want something and make it come true in the way that I did. A college production might not be the biggest thing in the world to achieve, but the fact that I actually did it is what's important.
I'm glad people underestimated me before, it made it even easier to rise to the challenge.
That's probably the most arrogant thing I'll ever say on here.
So, yesterday I started watching Geordie Shore. I know. It came as a surprise to me too.
I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent and semi-cultured lass. Nothing special, but y'know, I'm not a complete idiot... right? Then why do I keep enjoying trash like this?!
If you have never seen Geordie Shore (though I'm pretty sure you have) basically a group of raunchy tangerines from Newcastle live in a house and treat it like the sleaziest holiday of their lives- drinking, fighting and shagging excessively. That's IT. That is it.
At first I judged them. Then I sort of enjoyed them. They are disgraceful people with no standards and probably the worst role models on television, (worse than TOWIE. OH YES) even still, I can't help but kind of want to know what they might do next.
Each episode is pretty much exactly the same as the next too.
Sigh.
I don't know what to say.
I have literally nothing intelligent to say.
I blame the abundance of fast food that my body is burning this week.
It's honestly all I've got.
I promise that once I start eating vegetables again I'll blog properly with issues and humour and...stuff.
It's anyone's guess what I'm about to say here... I just kinda' felt obliged to blog today as I haven't in well over a week. I was planning on doing it yesterday but have just had no inspiration.
We've been given a week off after the show and I am using it to be the laziest girl in the world. I've done nothing since Friday night really and keep convincing myself that I deserve it.
I've just said to J "We are the laziest arses in the world."
"Sunday is the day of rest. Saturday is also good...for resting...and have a wee rest on Friday too if you're off." was his reply.
That might just become my motto.
So... the show went pretty amazing.
The feedback I got from the director/lecturer was better than I could've imagined and of course I'm really happy with that, but it isn't the most important thing to me.
The thing is, (and I really hope this doesn't sound arrogant) I always knew I had it in me to do it. From the moment I heard the song "Scars of Love" from this show, I knew I wanted this part. I pictured myself up on that stage singing it in front of everyone I know and love and was so determined that somehow I'd make it happen.
It feels like it's been a while since I felt strong enough to want something and make it come true in the way that I did. A college production might not be the biggest thing in the world to achieve, but the fact that I actually did it is what's important.
I'm glad people underestimated me before, it made it even easier to rise to the challenge.
That's probably the most arrogant thing I'll ever say on here.
So, yesterday I started watching Geordie Shore. I know. It came as a surprise to me too.
I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent and semi-cultured lass. Nothing special, but y'know, I'm not a complete idiot... right? Then why do I keep enjoying trash like this?!
If you have never seen Geordie Shore (though I'm pretty sure you have) basically a group of raunchy tangerines from Newcastle live in a house and treat it like the sleaziest holiday of their lives- drinking, fighting and shagging excessively. That's IT. That is it.
At first I judged them. Then I sort of enjoyed them. They are disgraceful people with no standards and probably the worst role models on television, (worse than TOWIE. OH YES) even still, I can't help but kind of want to know what they might do next.
Each episode is pretty much exactly the same as the next too.
Sigh.
I don't know what to say.
I have literally nothing intelligent to say.
I blame the abundance of fast food that my body is burning this week.
It's honestly all I've got.
I promise that once I start eating vegetables again I'll blog properly with issues and humour and...stuff.
Thursday 15 November 2012
Spend Spend Spend.
This will be a short post.
Life is very busy right now. Only 5 days (but technically one rehearsal that isn't a dress rehearsal) until the opening night of Spend Spend Spend. Today was extremely long and stressful and...long. Yep.
So far, we haven't done a single run of either Act 1 or 2 without stopping at some point. This is a bit terrifying. Also, the runs today were chaos.
However, I will say this, yesterday and today, there were certain points where I got a chance to just watch certain scenes and I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. I think this show in itself is outstanding; I find it quite unbelievable that it's fame didn't last very long. What we've managed to do with it, the work we've put in, those little parts of certain scenes, character traits that some people might not even notice - I'm proud of it all.
I cant wait to introduce people to this show. Everyone should see it and experience it in the way that we all have. It'll probably seem like I'm just trying to plug the show but I'm not; I honestly adore it for so many different reasons.
It's one of the most emotionally excavating (poetic aren't I?) musicals I've ever known (most of us end up crying every time we run the second act) but it's beautiful and touching and the "character" Viv* will have a wee place in my heart forever now.
If you are into musicals, (or even if you aren't and are interested) I'd suggest looking up Spend Spend Spend. I'd be happy to share the music with you also, as its very hard to get a hold of. More people should hear it.
*I put the word "character" in inverted commas because Viv is a real person, and is pretty much as bold and brash as Viv in the show but obviously the musical exaggerates certain aspects.
This post didn't end up being that short...
Life is very busy right now. Only 5 days (but technically one rehearsal that isn't a dress rehearsal) until the opening night of Spend Spend Spend. Today was extremely long and stressful and...long. Yep.
So far, we haven't done a single run of either Act 1 or 2 without stopping at some point. This is a bit terrifying. Also, the runs today were chaos.
However, I will say this, yesterday and today, there were certain points where I got a chance to just watch certain scenes and I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. I think this show in itself is outstanding; I find it quite unbelievable that it's fame didn't last very long. What we've managed to do with it, the work we've put in, those little parts of certain scenes, character traits that some people might not even notice - I'm proud of it all.
I cant wait to introduce people to this show. Everyone should see it and experience it in the way that we all have. It'll probably seem like I'm just trying to plug the show but I'm not; I honestly adore it for so many different reasons.
It's one of the most emotionally excavating (poetic aren't I?) musicals I've ever known (most of us end up crying every time we run the second act) but it's beautiful and touching and the "character" Viv* will have a wee place in my heart forever now.
If you are into musicals, (or even if you aren't and are interested) I'd suggest looking up Spend Spend Spend. I'd be happy to share the music with you also, as its very hard to get a hold of. More people should hear it.
*I put the word "character" in inverted commas because Viv is a real person, and is pretty much as bold and brash as Viv in the show but obviously the musical exaggerates certain aspects.
This post didn't end up being that short...
Friday 9 November 2012
A few of my favourite things.
Does everyone else just do the same boring things all the time, and enjoy it?
I ask this question because over the years, especially the "grown-up" ones I've begun to notice more and more how this is the case for me.
Now, as a teenager (from about 15-18) I was quite an...untamed, shall we say, sort of gal. By this I mean I did quite a bit of drinking, socialising and "partying" (thats all the detail you're getting) (some of you were there, you understand) ,which was brilliant and part of me still misses that from time to time. At the time I pretty much thought it's who I'd be forever.
However, (and I suppose predictably) circumstances changed, I went and got all coupled-up as many of us do and calmed down to the point where I'd say I rarely drink now. I'm 21 and I've become somewhat of a bore. The thing is, I kind of enjoy it.
Where a lot of people my age still seem to get their kicks out of getting all dressed up in incredibly painful shoes and drinking their wages away, I get actual joy out of re-reading the Harry Potter series, or re-watching all of Sex and The City. The old me, the youthful part of my brain is reading this and saying "YOU ARE PATHETIC" but the middle-aged woman in me says "Embrace it. Go on, have another cup of tea."
Don't get me wrong, when I'm prepared and in the mood for a night out, I love it. I love getting dressed up, I'm still a girl after all. I get as drunk as everyone else (perhaps more), I dance and make a twat of myself, and it's great. Though it's a bit like if I do that once, its out of my system and it can be months before I want to do it again.
Not only do I stay and in do boring things, I do the same boring things regularly. I read books I've read before, watch films I could practically recite, I eat the same dinner (usually involving pasta) and then do it all again. It's not like I can blame this solely on being in a relationship, because these habits started before then. I even listen to the same music on the way to college most days.
It's a bit sad really isn't it? Then why do I love it?
I guess I quite like knowing how things will end.
I feel I should point out that oddly I do actually quite like change, I just don't introduce it into my life very often.
Now how do I conclude this?
By admitting that I've just had pasta for dinner and that I'm about to watch a movie I've seen before.
Goodbye.
I ask this question because over the years, especially the "grown-up" ones I've begun to notice more and more how this is the case for me.
Now, as a teenager (from about 15-18) I was quite an...untamed, shall we say, sort of gal. By this I mean I did quite a bit of drinking, socialising and "partying" (thats all the detail you're getting) (some of you were there, you understand) ,which was brilliant and part of me still misses that from time to time. At the time I pretty much thought it's who I'd be forever.
However, (and I suppose predictably) circumstances changed, I went and got all coupled-up as many of us do and calmed down to the point where I'd say I rarely drink now. I'm 21 and I've become somewhat of a bore. The thing is, I kind of enjoy it.
Where a lot of people my age still seem to get their kicks out of getting all dressed up in incredibly painful shoes and drinking their wages away, I get actual joy out of re-reading the Harry Potter series, or re-watching all of Sex and The City. The old me, the youthful part of my brain is reading this and saying "YOU ARE PATHETIC" but the middle-aged woman in me says "Embrace it. Go on, have another cup of tea."
Don't get me wrong, when I'm prepared and in the mood for a night out, I love it. I love getting dressed up, I'm still a girl after all. I get as drunk as everyone else (perhaps more), I dance and make a twat of myself, and it's great. Though it's a bit like if I do that once, its out of my system and it can be months before I want to do it again.
Not only do I stay and in do boring things, I do the same boring things regularly. I read books I've read before, watch films I could practically recite, I eat the same dinner (usually involving pasta) and then do it all again. It's not like I can blame this solely on being in a relationship, because these habits started before then. I even listen to the same music on the way to college most days.
It's a bit sad really isn't it? Then why do I love it?
I guess I quite like knowing how things will end.
I feel I should point out that oddly I do actually quite like change, I just don't introduce it into my life very often.
Now how do I conclude this?
By admitting that I've just had pasta for dinner and that I'm about to watch a movie I've seen before.
Goodbye.
Tuesday 30 October 2012
The limelight...or at least my version.
I have not been blogging as often as I'd hoped.
Today I have been at college, got home early then swiftly had a small emotional breakdown.
Don't worry, I had my man to hug me (and to suffer the brunt of it) so I'm all full of happiness and dinner now. Sort of.
Have you ever just been so busy that you just need a wee cry?
At college, I'm currently rehearsing my first proper leading lady part. I really wanted this part and would've been really disappointed if I didnt get it. I was so pleased when I did. The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I convinced myself that if I did get it then I'd suddenly have all the confidence in my ability that I desire, but it hasnt quite worked out that way. Instead, the pressure of it has been weighing me down since the moment I found out I was cast. Instead of rising to the challenge, I've felt like doing a wee runner at times.
As the show is only 3 weeks away, (gulp) we rehearse everyday and as I live quite far from college, I probably spend what adds up to be about 3 hours travelling a day. I get home late and then either have to rush back out to a class at the gym or Slimming World and on the nights I don't, it always feel like I just eat dinner then need to sleep straight away. I then work a part-time job at the weekends (which is much more hassle than a weekend job should be) and then do it all over again on Monday. The washing basket and the dishes are piling up and my wee bones are aching.
I'm just exhausted. Maybe I'm just a weakling. Possibly the latter.
This exhaustion has been making me wonder whether I'm destined to be in professional theatre at all. One little college show part and I can't handle the pressure. Though I've wondered about this before now.
The fact is, I do want to be in this show and play this part. I love this show. (It's called Spend Spend Spend, you've probably never heard of it.) I love this character and I will rise to the challenge as soon as I get my "mojo" back. I will.
I'm only pointing out the negatives here when I really should mention the positives. I've been finding it much easier to get up and perform since I've been thrown into this and I've been singing in front of my boyfriend* alone lately which is something I was always too embarrassed to do before.
I have Saturday off and will be using that to do nothing for the first time in weeks, hopefully
I just need to suck it up and remember that the show is only 3 weeks away and once it's done, I'll regret not having enjoyed the rehearsal process more. Lookin' on the bright side an' that.
* Constantly calling him "my boyfriend" on this is getting a bit cringey but it feels like I shouldn't name him to feel like more of a cool blogger. So, we discussed this and came up with a few different alias choices. His were "Professor Damage", "Doctor Chaos", "General Sexy" and (sigh) "Corporal Punishment". I felt that "Sausage Head" was better. His name begins with a J so let's predictably call him that for now I suppose. (Though he's still pushing for "Doctor Chaos.")
Today I have been at college, got home early then swiftly had a small emotional breakdown.
Don't worry, I had my man to hug me (and to suffer the brunt of it) so I'm all full of happiness and dinner now. Sort of.
Have you ever just been so busy that you just need a wee cry?
At college, I'm currently rehearsing my first proper leading lady part. I really wanted this part and would've been really disappointed if I didnt get it. I was so pleased when I did. The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I convinced myself that if I did get it then I'd suddenly have all the confidence in my ability that I desire, but it hasnt quite worked out that way. Instead, the pressure of it has been weighing me down since the moment I found out I was cast. Instead of rising to the challenge, I've felt like doing a wee runner at times.
As the show is only 3 weeks away, (gulp) we rehearse everyday and as I live quite far from college, I probably spend what adds up to be about 3 hours travelling a day. I get home late and then either have to rush back out to a class at the gym or Slimming World and on the nights I don't, it always feel like I just eat dinner then need to sleep straight away. I then work a part-time job at the weekends (which is much more hassle than a weekend job should be) and then do it all over again on Monday. The washing basket and the dishes are piling up and my wee bones are aching.
I'm just exhausted. Maybe I'm just a weakling. Possibly the latter.
This exhaustion has been making me wonder whether I'm destined to be in professional theatre at all. One little college show part and I can't handle the pressure. Though I've wondered about this before now.
The fact is, I do want to be in this show and play this part. I love this show. (It's called Spend Spend Spend, you've probably never heard of it.) I love this character and I will rise to the challenge as soon as I get my "mojo" back. I will.
I'm only pointing out the negatives here when I really should mention the positives. I've been finding it much easier to get up and perform since I've been thrown into this and I've been singing in front of my boyfriend* alone lately which is something I was always too embarrassed to do before.
I have Saturday off and will be using that to do nothing for the first time in weeks, hopefully
I just need to suck it up and remember that the show is only 3 weeks away and once it's done, I'll regret not having enjoyed the rehearsal process more. Lookin' on the bright side an' that.
* Constantly calling him "my boyfriend" on this is getting a bit cringey but it feels like I shouldn't name him to feel like more of a cool blogger. So, we discussed this and came up with a few different alias choices. His were "Professor Damage", "Doctor Chaos", "General Sexy" and (sigh) "Corporal Punishment". I felt that "Sausage Head" was better. His name begins with a J so let's predictably call him that for now I suppose. (Though he's still pushing for "Doctor Chaos.")
Sunday 21 October 2012
Apparent trusted individuals.
Today I have been at work, wearing my new glasses for the first time.
These new glasses are a new prescription and are making me a wee bit dizzy at times. I was told, as usual, by the optician that this is just the "adjusting period" and that my eyes will soon get used to these new lenses, and I trust this, because this is what the optician told me and the optician should know, right?
Now, I work weekends at Morrions, on tills, so I have a lot of time to think whilst I'm supposed to be listening to customers talk shite; todays thinking was sparked by my own willingness to trust the optician. It got me thinking about how often we trust strangers with rather important parts of our lives: the doctor, dentist, teachers, the bank etc. Since becoming an "adult" (living independently and all that) I've begun to experience more and more instances where it suddenly hits me that the "trusted" person in front of me is simply that — a person.
We've all gone to the doctor with something embarrassing, been glad to get a solution and be out of there quickly but what about coming out and thinking "Wait...this clearly isn't what I need or asked for?" Or feeling like the dentist doesn't actually need to give you a fucking "scale and polish" EVERY time you visit? Or checking your balance at the cashline only to see that the bank have OBVIOUSLY STOLEN EVERYTHING. (Okay so that ones probably your fault.)
In the 3 years of my so-called independence, I've experienced countless situations with several of these "trusted" people where I've thought "HOLD ON, this sounds like shite, what you're saying to me right now." (That is a bit what my thoughts sound like.)
I know I sound a bit like a crazy conspiracy freak right now. All I'm saying is that we should probably question these people more often because although (most of the time) they are trained and all that, sometimes what they tell you is simply their own opinion.
In conclusion, although I'm currently wearing my glasses and can see this screen enough to type, during my recent eye-test the optician DID blow "puffs of air" in my eyes and call it an "eye pressure test" so they are obviously sadists.
Thankyou.
These new glasses are a new prescription and are making me a wee bit dizzy at times. I was told, as usual, by the optician that this is just the "adjusting period" and that my eyes will soon get used to these new lenses, and I trust this, because this is what the optician told me and the optician should know, right?
Now, I work weekends at Morrions, on tills, so I have a lot of time to think whilst I'm supposed to be listening to customers talk shite; todays thinking was sparked by my own willingness to trust the optician. It got me thinking about how often we trust strangers with rather important parts of our lives: the doctor, dentist, teachers, the bank etc. Since becoming an "adult" (living independently and all that) I've begun to experience more and more instances where it suddenly hits me that the "trusted" person in front of me is simply that — a person.
We've all gone to the doctor with something embarrassing, been glad to get a solution and be out of there quickly but what about coming out and thinking "Wait...this clearly isn't what I need or asked for?" Or feeling like the dentist doesn't actually need to give you a fucking "scale and polish" EVERY time you visit? Or checking your balance at the cashline only to see that the bank have OBVIOUSLY STOLEN EVERYTHING. (Okay so that ones probably your fault.)
In the 3 years of my so-called independence, I've experienced countless situations with several of these "trusted" people where I've thought "HOLD ON, this sounds like shite, what you're saying to me right now." (That is a bit what my thoughts sound like.)
I know I sound a bit like a crazy conspiracy freak right now. All I'm saying is that we should probably question these people more often because although (most of the time) they are trained and all that, sometimes what they tell you is simply their own opinion.
In conclusion, although I'm currently wearing my glasses and can see this screen enough to type, during my recent eye-test the optician DID blow "puffs of air" in my eyes and call it an "eye pressure test" so they are obviously sadists.
Thankyou.
Saturday 20 October 2012
When the things you like are actually shit.
Ever suddenly realise that something you like and have liked for a while is actually just shit?
My boyfriend and I were just discussing this with the popular TV show Lost.
Now, I went into Lost with a lot of scepticism at first but, as predicted, loved it quite quickly. I have watched the entire series one and a half times in total now and would be very happy to watch it again, even though I know it would take a good few months of dedication, but (and this is what we came to realise) if you tried to even explain a very small portion of the plot of Lost to a newcomer, it sounds like the most far-fetched and over-complicated nonsense in the world.
I mean...it kind of is.
For a good half an hour, we tried to cover every plot and sub-plot that we could over the course of the 6 series, and it became ridiculous. I'm pretty sure we didnt even get through half of what happens. All of this thinking posed the question "Is Lost actually just shit?"
It's still hard to say.
We're probably still going to watch it all over again though...
My boyfriend and I were just discussing this with the popular TV show Lost.
Now, I went into Lost with a lot of scepticism at first but, as predicted, loved it quite quickly. I have watched the entire series one and a half times in total now and would be very happy to watch it again, even though I know it would take a good few months of dedication, but (and this is what we came to realise) if you tried to even explain a very small portion of the plot of Lost to a newcomer, it sounds like the most far-fetched and over-complicated nonsense in the world.
I mean...it kind of is.
For a good half an hour, we tried to cover every plot and sub-plot that we could over the course of the 6 series, and it became ridiculous. I'm pretty sure we didnt even get through half of what happens. All of this thinking posed the question "Is Lost actually just shit?"
It's still hard to say.
We're probably still going to watch it all over again though...
Friday 19 October 2012
19/10/12
I have no idea why I've created this blog.
I don't suppose anyone will be interested in the absolute shite I talk/moan about. I barely even am myself.
My first thought was to have this for me only, just to vent about anything and everything, not for anyone else in particular but I know I wont be able to keep it secret for long.
Today, I have been incredibly lazy as I always am when I have no real plans.
I've been watching series 5 of Gossip Girl.
My love for Gossip Girl began about 3 years ago when my boyfriend bought me Series 1. I'm not completely sure what's so captivating about it, I think at first it was mostly complete infatuation with the beautiful, fashionable and rich characters. I don't want to make myself sound completely shallow but I couldn't help but get a little bit addicted to lusting after their lavish lifestyles. Then, the romance between Chuck and Blair was sparked and I became hooked.
The first 3 series had me completely fall in love with the character Blair Waldorf. She is a scheming, manipulative bitch yet a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who knows exactly what she wants. I find this character a good role model in some ways (though in other ways, a terrible one) and her one-liners are priceless.
However, I'm a bit ashamed and a lot disappointed to say that the last 2 series have been overall, pretty poor in comparison. Gossip Girl has always been pretty melodramatic and I've always accepted this as part of the territory but lately the many story lines have become so convoluted and nonsensical that I find myself cringing at times. Not to mention how the characters just GET OVER really important life-altering things within one episode.
I will however, stay dedicated to Gossip Girl and hope that as series 6 (which I think is to be the last series) wraps up, they can quit while their (sort of ) ahead and keep the fans happy by tying up all the loose ends in the way the way that we want.
xoxo
I don't suppose anyone will be interested in the absolute shite I talk/moan about. I barely even am myself.
My first thought was to have this for me only, just to vent about anything and everything, not for anyone else in particular but I know I wont be able to keep it secret for long.
Today, I have been incredibly lazy as I always am when I have no real plans.
I've been watching series 5 of Gossip Girl.
My love for Gossip Girl began about 3 years ago when my boyfriend bought me Series 1. I'm not completely sure what's so captivating about it, I think at first it was mostly complete infatuation with the beautiful, fashionable and rich characters. I don't want to make myself sound completely shallow but I couldn't help but get a little bit addicted to lusting after their lavish lifestyles. Then, the romance between Chuck and Blair was sparked and I became hooked.
The first 3 series had me completely fall in love with the character Blair Waldorf. She is a scheming, manipulative bitch yet a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who knows exactly what she wants. I find this character a good role model in some ways (though in other ways, a terrible one) and her one-liners are priceless.
However, I'm a bit ashamed and a lot disappointed to say that the last 2 series have been overall, pretty poor in comparison. Gossip Girl has always been pretty melodramatic and I've always accepted this as part of the territory but lately the many story lines have become so convoluted and nonsensical that I find myself cringing at times. Not to mention how the characters just GET OVER really important life-altering things within one episode.
I will however, stay dedicated to Gossip Girl and hope that as series 6 (which I think is to be the last series) wraps up, they can quit while their (sort of ) ahead and keep the fans happy by tying up all the loose ends in the way the way that we want.
xoxo
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