Monday, 21 October 2013

Self-love. (It's not what you think, naughty.)

Is the concept of being your own best friend the most pathetic or most liberating? 

I increasingly enjoy being independent. I have always been the type of person who needs space and time alone, but it seems that the older I get the more I feel I need it.   
I've done most of my shopping on my own for years. It's just easier to pick up what you want, sit down when you want and avoid the places you don't care for. Where I was apprehensive about going to the cinema on my own at first, I've now done this quite a few times. I'm working up the courage to do the same with the theatre.
Thankfully, I am engaged to a man who is quite the same. We are happy to sit in seperate rooms and do our own thing from time to time. It goes without saying that I love when he is here, but I also get excited about those times when I know I'll have the place to myself for the night. I love nothing more than curling up on the couch, in my stretchiest of clothes, drinking tea and watching Netflix. (Other media streaming providers are available.)

Don't get me wrong, I can be sociable when I want. There are people out there whose company I very much enjoy. When I'm in the mood to be out, it's fabulous, but there always comes a time when I just need a moments silence.

I enjoy this solitude, and yet there's still a small part of me that feels self-conscious about it. When telling others about my lone trips to the cinema, I've had several pitying looks and just a general assumption that I didn't have anyone to go with that day, that I must have felt lonely. Most find it difficult to understand why I'd choose to do this.
The fact that I feel I have to "work up the courage" to go to the theatre on my own is, if you think about it, odd really. Why are we programmed to believe that being quite happy in our own company is sad or pathetic? 
Why do I have a slight inner guilt about choosing to do absolutely nothing, with no one, on my days off?

For women, I think media in general has quite a lot to do with it. In every "chick-flick" there is a secondary female character, the best friend. In every women's magazine, tv show, etc, we are fed the message -"No matter how many times those men break your heart, you'll always have your best friends."  Never- "You are a strong enough person to get through this by yourself in time."
We're used to seeing pretty much all of our favourite fictional females having to find the perfect man in the end to be complete. (I am personally guilty of loving this sort of romantic mush.)

In general, this world is constantly drumming "Everyone needs someone." into our heads.

Maybe we do all need someone. I obviously do, as I am planning to marry a someone. Also, in times of need, I talk to my trusted friends. It's natural to want or need other people, (I doubt I would even write this if no one was reading it) but it should also feel just as natural, for those of us who want to, to be self-sufficient sometimes too.
As much as you don't want to think of it, the people in your life may not be permanent. The person you trust the most may let you down some day. The only person who will always be there for you is You. 
You are stuck with you.

Shouldn't we be allowed to think of ourselves as a friend without sounding pathetic? Shouldn't we even be allowed to love ourselves? Not in the vain sense, but in the wanting to give yourself a wee hug, taking care of yourself, buying yourself a wee present and trusting your own instincts sense?
I think so. And I do.

There, I said it. I love myself.
And you should love yourself too.

There are days, like with any other friend, where I dislike myself very much. Days where I wish I'd shut up, stop dropping things, stop eating so much, but in the end I know I can always rely on me, and somehow I find that comforting.

So go on, spend a little time with yourself (Oo-er. Now now), enjoy your own company, learn to give yourself credit and by golly, buy yourself a little present from time to time. 
You deserve it.


  1. Loved this one Jordan! I am totally with you on this - try theatre on your own, I've gone solo about 8 times in the last few months and not been lonely. Agree with everything you said! :)

  2. Thank you! I love that someone as smart as yourself, can totally get this. I will go to the theatre on my own! I will brave this and feel no shame!
    Thank you for reading as ever :)

  3. I agree wholeheartedly with you on this - for me self love is the basis for happiness; to want to be happy is to care for yourself, and well, we all want to be happy. We have more control over our happiness than anyone, and it's important to remember that - placing our happiness too much in other people's hands is dangerous. The aim is to achieve happiness within ourselves, then when we share that with others it multiplies, which is the beauty of it.

    I think this also forms the basis for relationships. We're naturally attracted to people who are happy within, who do love themselves, and have happiness to share, and successful relationships are built on the sharing of this happiness. If one person becomes unhappy in their life it tends to put strain on the relationship and can cause problems. Again, although others will help it's down to us to achieve happiness within ourselves - after that everything's easy. Course I'm no expert on these matters, but that's how I see it!

    And as for doing things by yourself like cinema, theatre etc I don't see any reason not to. I mean personally I would rather have company, but it's about doing what you want to do. If there's something you really want to see and you don't have anyone to do it with you then by all means, do it yourself!

    Anyway, I think I'll stop rambling there. I'm glad I read this blog, it made me think, and what I thought made sense to me, which doesn't often happen. Keep it up Jordan. :)

  4. I'm glad you agree. It's not widely accepted to say you love yourself, and more people should. We should all take more care to appreciate ourselves for a moment.
    I'm so glad that you do read this, and that you comment. It's so nice to have like-minded people to share opinions and ideas with. Also for you to say that it makes you think, well that's just wonderful to me. Your input inspires me to keep writing. So thank you, as ever.

  5. I love having an empty house, and shopping alone. I used to be embarrassed about it but now I couldn't care less. And I think its so true, I feel sorry for people that hate spending time alone, because as you said we're stuck with ourselves forever! xxx

  6. I love that there are others out there who are quite similar to me in that aspect. I used to think I was odd but I realise that it is perfectly okay, if not wonderful to enjoy your own company.