Tuesday, 26 August 2014

“Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others.”

The concept that I am an adult, is a strange thing to me. As I'm sure it is for most of us. 
As a child, you sort of think that one day you will feel grown-up. That you will have it all worked out, and know you've made it to adulthood. It'll be round about the same time you start to feel ready for marriage, or thinking about having children. By the time you sign for the mortgage, that's it, you are definitely a fully functioning responsible member of society. 
However, most of us have realised by now that that doesn't really happen. You just sort of plod along, winging it.
I have to make a conscious effort to pretend I know what I'm doing. Doesn't everyone?

I say forget marriage, babies and mortgages. Adulthood is about the tedious daily activities, and having the maturity to just get on with them. 

So here is a list of things that I catch myself doing/thoughts I have had, that make me have to stop and accept that I am a boring grown-up. 

Liking it when people buy you practical gifts
"I won't have to buy any toiletries for ages!"

Having spare generic Birthday cards in a drawer
In case someone unexpectedly has a birthday?

Keeping a mental diary of which family birthday is coming up next
Really enjoying that one month of the year when there isn't a birthday

Putting sandwich bags on everything
Chewy crackers are a no-no.

Saving a really good snack
Thinking about eating it the whole time, but knowing that if you wait until later, it will be even better.

Having a "back-up" shelf
You never know when you might run out of toothpaste/shower gel/baby wipes. You just never know.

Having to decline a dinner invitation, because you have to eat the defrosted meat before it goes off.

Cooking meals based on what is due to expire
Where else did you think the idea for ham and pineapple came from?

It will taste gooder. Jamie Oliver says so.

Force feeding yourself vegetables
"I guess I am going to die at some point, and if I eat these, it won't be as soon."

(The true act of adulthood)
Walking by the outside bin on bin day, and checking to see if it's been emptied
"That's right, Council, you know the score!"

Having a bag of bags
A bag, full of other bags, that are full of other bags. To reuse, because who else is going to save the planet?

Repeating phrases/actions from your Parents/Grandparents
I have had to curb my habit of shouting "Oh Shut up!" at annoying adverts. I cannot turn into my Gran at 23.

Keeping your work holidays a secret
People might want me to go places.

Making a point of leaving positive consumer feedback
"I want to see more shows like The Secret Life Of Babies, I had better let ITV know."

Complimenting someone on their air freshener

Then buying it the next day.

Planning casual lunch dates weeks in advance

"Let's have coffee, two weeks on Tuesday."

Buying literally anything that's reduced

"We can add these to our, already overflowing, freezer."

Never turning down a freebie

"Put it next to the other pile of shampoo sachets."

(and finally)

Using supermarket mathematics
"Heinz beans might be on offer, but Morrison's value beans are still only 10p per 100g."

If you do any (or all) of these thing then, in my opinion, you are officially a boring, old adult, just like me. 
However, if I ever feel sad, and like my youthful years are behind me, I simply remind myself that I haven't owned an iron for over a year, and that chocolate cereal still gets me going.

And here's Jenna Marbles.

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