Saturday, 21 September 2013

True friendship.

How easy do you find it to make friends? 
I mean true friends. The kind you can laugh with, cry with, be your relaxed, real self with, and send the ugliest of snapchats to. 
I have learned in recent years that it's something I actually find very difficult. 

In my life I've had many friends, but probably very few true ones. As a shy child, I would wait for people to talk to me and had a small group. As a confident teen, I had an abundance; some were acquaintances, some were everything to me, people that I thought would be in my life forever and now sadly aren't. I had to start again in a way, and now at 22, I am back to a small handful again. 

I thought that this was probably how it went for most people. You leave school, everyone drifts, most get into relationships, and you end up with just a few of the good ones. 
Until recently...

After leaving school I was in and out of college, trying to decide what I wanted to be. At first, making friends was a big part of it, I was still only 17 and very sociable, but the more the years went on, and I joined new classes, the less I was in it for friendship. I'd certainly interact, but not with the particular intention of seeing anyone outside of college. I was there to learn. It'd be a bonus if I met anyone I really connected with, and it turned out there were few. 

I don't mean to sound cold, I'm just pretty picky with who I give my time to. I've learned the hard way that few people are worth it and because of this I don't let my guard down easily. 

However, I noticed that it wasn't the same for everyone else; In fact some people seemed to have a new best friend within days. "Such and such is at this place with this person" said Facebook, followed by a whole photo album of the sleepover they'd had. Often, a few weeks later, they'd done the same with someone new. 
I was puzzled. How do people do that? How can they let people into their lives so easily? 
Am I the only one who gets a bit anxious about spending time alone with people I don't know very well?
I don't doubt that sometimes there is an instant connection, I've had it happen, but not every time I meet someone new. I find it really difficult to grasp how these instant "BFF" style friendships seem to be popping up all around me, and yet I remain unmoved by anyone. 

I began to wonder if the problem was with me. Am I too fussy? Do I come across as someone who doesn't want new friends? Possibly. 
I guess my general cynicism and lack of belief in people probably don't help. 
A bigger part of me wondered if these people were true friends at all. Or if it was all a bit false. Perhaps it's a combination of both.

No matter what, I have no regrets. Okay..I have some, but the mistakes I have made with friendships have taught me that I'm stronger than I thought. 
I enjoy being independent, not waiting on anyone, going to the places I want. Quite frankly, other people irritate me rather quickly. 

I'm lucky to have the small group of trusted friends that I do, and also family, who I know will be my friends for life. 
I always say it's about quality, not quantity. I'd rather spend a night with one really cool person, doing nothing, than a night out with people I don't know much about. 
I guess it's possible that I may have missed out on friendship opportunities, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. 
What's for you won't go by you and all that nonsense, eh? 

Personally, I need time to decide if someone is truly worth it, and if it turns out that they are, they will have a hard time getting rid of me. 
To me that's what real friendship should be about.

What do you think?


  1. I'm exactly the same! Becoming friends with someone requires as much care and thought, for me, as if I were entering into a romantic relationship! I moved to London a year ago and have been out for a meal with a couple of new people I've met, and it just hasn't worked out and it makes me worry I'm too fussy - so I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! x

  2. I'm so glad that someone relates to this, especially what you say about it being like a romantic relationship. I am exactly the same. There is practically a dating period, where I'm basically sussing them out. If I don't feel like we're on the same wavelength, by about 80% or more, I don't see them again. It's harsh, and I don't even mean it, but it's just how you operate when you've been hurt by people in the past.

    Also, I'm so glad you have arose here. I have just been skim reading some of your blog posts and so far I am more than impressed by your eloquence, insight and generally relatable topics to me personally. It's refreshing to read something like that, because most blogs I've come across so far have been mostly about fashion and beauty, as well as lifestyle. I do enjoy these blogs, but I've been searching for one with a bit more depth, and I feel I may have found it in yours.
    Thank you for popping up :) (and for reading)

  3. Yes, I'm exactly the same! It's not like an intentionally mean thing, but I'd just rather spend time by myself than with someone I don't 100 click with. And I know what you mean about a dating period, it's exactly like that (without the flirting bit!)

    I also completely agree about the blog thing, I'm always on the lookout for blogs with some substance, and they're rare to come across, so I'm glad I've found yours, I love it! And thank you for your lovely words, they've made my day! :)