In my last post I spoke about the "life-adjustment" I recently went through.
"A slightly impulsive and scary decision to change my life at the cost of my career, but for the sake of my well-being."
Basically, I left college pretty much unannounced.
Looking back at this old post http://jordanaan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/my-new-attitude.html it seems it was inevitable. (Though that post wasn't aimed only at college.)
This may be quite a controversial post considering some of my former class-mates may read it, but what can you do? All press is good press right?
I left for many reasons but basically felt that it was an unprofessional place where students were not all treated equally; to get ahead you had to be sucking up to lecturers, which I was never willing to do. People who worked hard were condescended to and never given any credit. I could go on for days about the issues I had with the place. (Put it this way, I've tried to contact my lecturers on three occasions since having left, and have received no replies. That was three months ago.)
I felt that I was (for want of a less dramatic term) sacrificing who I am, and had been for months and months, keeping my mouth shut for an easy life and the hope of things getting better, when really I wanted to scream. I was always taught that if something is bothering you, you speak up. Why should I go into a place everyday that's making me unhappy? It may sound a little dramatic, but at times I was so down and the anger would itch away at me. Not feeling listened to was really affecting my confidence. Which is ridiculous and makes me angry just to think about. So one day, with only a few months left, I decided "After today, I'm walking away from this." I didn't feel that anything positive could come from it anymore.
By doing this, I knew I'd really be limiting my career options, and also wasting nearly two years of my life.
I had to decide what was more important: a career (which of course is never certain anyway) or my pride and morals. I chose to walk away, and I am still very happy with my decision to do so.
Of course, nothing is perfect, and I'm now working part-time, struggling a little and figuring things out, but by god am I happier than I was. I can't believe I ever put up with it. I also have someone in my life who has supported me all the way, which makes me very lucky.
If anyone reading this is facing a similar decision, feeling afraid to take a big step, to walk away or even into something that seems scary but you know could make you happier, I hope I can inspire you even a little. Go with your instinct, and even it doesn't end up working out you can be proud that you stuck with your gut. The most important thing is your self-worth, and the bottom line is that in life you don't need to put up with shit. You actually don't. Who cares what anyone thinks?
I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up. If that ever happens. I don't think my ambitions have changed, it just might be a little harder to achieve them than I thought. Who knows?
I know life is going to throw much harder decisions at me than this one, and I feel just a little bit less afraid of it now.