A padded cell for one please.

Does anyone else seem to get ill/injured on good/planned days?

Over the years I have been getting more and more unfortunate with this.

To date, (and these are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head) I've had food poisoning when I was supposed to go on holiday, had an asthma attack at New Year, broke my front tooth on Boxing day, got hives (Yes, hives) before my first ever stage "part" at school, twisted my ankle on holiday, stood on a plug when getting ready for a work night out, had the flu for Jake's birthday, had the flu again for New year, had laryngitis on the first day of college, tore my hamstring (the first time) the day Jake started Uni, tore my hamstring (the second time) on my Gran's birthday and now have flared up the same hamstring injury again last night on CHRISTMAS DAY!!

ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!
WHY?!

Sorry.
I just had to let that complete and utter frustration out.

Does this happen to anyone else? 
Seriously. I need to know if this is just me.

I'm already quite a clumsy fool in general but this is just the unfortunate sort of life I lead. Half of the time I don't think people believe me either. I should also mention that the above are just the things that happen on planned event days, these don't include the many many other accidents/injuries/illnesses I suffer annually. It seems to be getting worse each year. 

I will either fall over, burn myself, cut my finger, stub my toe, drop stuff on my feet at least once a week. I will also catch whatever virus is going around. 

I don't even know what to say.

It's not even as if I can say "I should just stay at home out of harms way" because at home is where 90% of this stuff happens. That includes all 3 of the hamstring injuries.

What do I actually do?

Send help. 
And paracetamol.