True friendship.

How easy do you find it to make friends? 

I mean true friends. The kind you can laugh with, cry with, be your relaxed, real self with, and send the ugliest of snapchats to. 

I have learned in recent years that it's something I actually find very difficult. 

In my life I've had many friends, but probably very few true ones. As a shy child, I would wait for people to talk to me and had a small group. As a confident teen, I had an abundance; some were acquaintances, some were everything to me, people that I thought would be in my life forever and now sadly aren't. I had to start again in a way, and now at 22, I am back to a small handful again. 

I thought that this was probably how it went for most people. You leave school, everyone drifts, most get into relationships, and you end up with just a few of the good ones. 

Until recently...

After leaving school I was in and out of college, trying to decide what I wanted to be. At first, making friends was a big part of it, I was still only 17 and very sociable, but the more the years went on, and I joined new classes, the less I was in it for friendship. I'd certainly interact, but not with the particular intention of seeing anyone outside of college. I was there to learn. It'd be a bonus if I met anyone I really connected with, and it turned out there were few. 

I don't mean to sound cold, I'm just pretty picky with who I give my time to. I've learned the hard way that few people are worth it and because of this I don't let my guard down easily. 

However, I noticed that it wasn't the same for everyone else; In fact some people seemed to have a new best friend within days. "Such and such is at this place with this person" said Facebook, followed by a whole photo album of the sleepover they'd had. Often, a few weeks later, they'd done the same with someone new. 

I was puzzled. How do people do that? How can they let people into their lives so easily? 

Am I the only one who gets a bit anxious about spending time alone with people I don't know very well?

I don't doubt that sometimes there is an instant connection, I've had it happen, but not every time I meet someone new. I find it really difficult to grasp how these instant "BFF" style friendships seem to be popping up all around me, and yet I remain unmoved by anyone. 

I began to wonder if the problem was with me. Am I too fussy? Do I come across as someone who doesn't want new friends? Possibly. 

I guess my general cynicism and lack of belief in people probably don't help. 

A bigger part of me wondered if these people were true friends at all. Or if it was all a bit false. Perhaps it's a combination of both.

No matter what, I have no regrets. Okay..I have some, but the mistakes I have made with friendships have taught me that I'm stronger than I thought. 

I enjoy being independent, not waiting on anyone, going to the places I want. Quite frankly, other people irritate me rather quickly. 

I'm lucky to have the small group of trusted friends that I do, and also family, who I know will be my friends for life. 

I always say it's about quality, not quantity. I'd rather spend a night with one really cool person, doing nothing, than a night out with people I don't know much about. 

I guess it's possible that I may have missed out on friendship opportunities, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. 

What's for you won't go by you and all that nonsense, eh? 

Personally, I need time to decide if someone is truly worth it, and if it turns out that they are, they will have a hard time getting rid of me. 

To me that's what real friendship should be about.

What do you think?