Social obligation.

This post may get me into trouble in future, but here goes...

I find myself smiling, nodding, chatting, small-talking to people I only sort of know and/or know I am not going to be life-long friends with, every day. You too right? 
It's not a massive inconvenience or anything, but the older (and more cynical) I get, the less patience I have and I'd really only rather talk to people I genuinely enjoy talking to.

I like to be nice, I am actually decent and I try to take an interest in people lives. Ask them about their jobs, family, whatever, because it's nice to do that. However, I often wonder whether if it was more acceptable to be truly honest, I would actually bother? 

I realise that this is going to make me sound miserable to some people but there must be someone (probably a few) in your life that you feel this way about. You see them. You cross the street, you don't have time today. They cross the street too. Oh dear. 

These aren't particularly unpleasant people, just the ones you don't have much in common with and/or don't especially care to spend time with.

I was inspired to talk about this due to an experience I had last week. I found myself in a group situation, where smaller groups were having their own conversations. I was engrossed in an interesting exchange, when I found myself being introduced to a friend of a friend. I discovered pretty quickly that although this person was fine, we weren't going to be forming any close bonds that evening and so decided to take the initiative to turn and carry on (possibly a little abruptly) with the former conversation. I don't always do this, and I realised that it made me seem a little rude, but I also felt quite strongly that it's what had to be done to get the best out of my night.

It really made me wonder: would it be a better world if we could honestly and politely step away from small talk? Shouldn't we, as mature adults, be able to say "I'm sure you're a very nice person but I can tell you don't have time to talk about your dog and I don't really want to listen, so why don't we just call it quits and get on with our lives? Good day!" or "I don't actually know you outside of work and I know we're both only having this conversation 'cos society says so. See ya'!"?

Or words to that effect...

Now, I'm guessing not everyone is as miserable as me, I'm guessing some of you even enjoy chatting, if you do, bloody go for it. 

Don't get me wrong, I love a chat with the right sort of person. If I'm honest though, I've found that the majority of people you meet want mostly to talk about themselves. There seems only to be a small percentage who actually listen and want to get to know you.

Wouldn't it be easier to cut out those social obligations you don't actually care for? C'mon.

On the other hand, maybe thinking in this way will stop me from getting to know people I could potentially be fond of. (Though I have to say, I've gone with my instincts in the past and that's usually worked.) Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm just plain rude. Who knows?

All I can say is that I really hope this post doesn't cause everyone I know to avoid me in the street.
(Though it'd be a bonus if it got rid of some.) (Kidding.)

Life adjusting.

In my last post I spoke about the "life-adjustment" I recently went through. 
"A slightly impulsive and scary decision to change my life at the cost of my career, but for the sake of my well-being."
Basically, I left college pretty much unannounced. 
Looking back at this old post http://jordanaan.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/my-new-attitude.html it seems it was inevitable. (Though that post wasn't aimed only at college.)
This may be quite a controversial post considering some of my former class-mates may read it, but what can you do? All press is good press right?

I left for many reasons but basically felt that it was an unprofessional place where students were not all treated equally; to get ahead you had to be sucking up to lecturers, which I was never willing to do. People who worked hard were condescended to and never given any credit. I could go on for days about the issues I had with the place. (Put it this way, I've tried to contact my lecturers on three occasions since having left, and have received no replies. That was three months ago.)
 I felt that I was (for want of a less dramatic term) sacrificing who I am, and had been for months and months, keeping my mouth shut for an easy life and the hope of things getting better, when really I wanted to scream. I was always taught that if something is bothering you, you speak up. Why should I go into a place everyday that's making me unhappy? It may sound a little dramatic, but at times I was so down and the anger would itch away at me. Not feeling listened to was really affecting my confidence. Which is ridiculous and makes me angry just to think about. So one day, with only a few months left, I decided "After today, I'm walking away from this." I didn't feel that anything positive could come from it anymore.
By doing this, I knew I'd really be limiting my career options, and also wasting nearly two years of my life. 
I had to decide what was more important: a career (which of course is never certain anyway) or my pride and morals. I chose to walk away, and I am still very happy with my decision to do so. 
Of course, nothing is perfect, and I'm now working part-time, struggling a little and figuring things out, but by god am I happier than I was. I can't believe I ever put up with it. I also have someone in my life who has supported me all the way, which makes me very lucky.

If anyone reading this is facing a similar decision, feeling afraid to take a big step, to walk away or even into something that seems scary but you know could make you happier, I hope I can inspire you even a little. Go with your instinct, and even it doesn't end up working out you can be proud that you stuck with your gut. The most important thing is your self-worth, and the bottom line is that in life you don't need to put up with shit. You actually don't. Who cares what anyone thinks?

I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up. If that ever happens. I don't think my ambitions have changed, it just might be a little harder to achieve them than I thought. Who knows?

I know life is going to throw much harder decisions at me than this one, and I feel just a little bit less afraid of it now.

Anti-social networking.

Hello there.
How nice of you to drop by. Especially considering that I haven't dropped by for 4 months and I apparently write this thing. 
I'm going to try not to dwell on the disappointment I feel towards myself for having abandoned this for 4 months. I've been going through a bit of a life adjustment, shall we say, and made a slightly impulsive and scary decision to change my life at the cost of my "career", but for the sake of my well-being. 
Anyway, we'll get to that at a later date. (Hopefully in a week or so, and not 4 months.)

I'm going to discuss a topic that's been on my mind for, well, several years actually and with the ever growing use of social networking in all of our daily lives, it has become an increasing thought. 

I ask you, ironically: Is social networking a positive or a negative way of getting to know our peers?

Okay, take this situation... You meet a new friend, a person who seems nice, funny, someone that you may wish to spend more time with. You inevitably add them as a facebook friend and to your horror they are not the same likable person online as they are in "real life." Whether it be their constant posting, need to share too much, need to use "xx" after every post, bad spelling or controversial opinions, something has slightly (or in some cases totally) put you off the perfectly acceptable person you met. I'm guessing that this has happened to someone other than me? 
I've also been in an opposite situation, where a person seems much more funny/interesting online than they actually are in a face-to-face conversation. 
Consciously or not, I am judging people by what they post online.

In recent years, where 95% of people I know use facebook and/or twitter, a considerable percentage of my opinion on a person can come from what they post on social networks. I ask myself regularly whether this is a good thing, when the same person 10 years ago wouldn't have been able to be judged in this way, when facebook wasn't the norm.

Are we lucky to have this new way to learn more about our associates, as a warning, or as an added perspective? Or is it detrimental to our ability to make friends properly? Should we take someone's online "persona" into account or is who they are in real life the only important thing? 

As I write this, I become more aware of the fact that you may feel what I've been describing about me. Who knows? How do we know if what we say online is an accurate representation of who we actually are? Or is the point actually to do the opposite, and allow ourselves to be something else? 

I'm not saying that social networks can only create a negative impression of a person. Just as often, I've gotten to like a person more upon seeing their posts and learning that we have more in common than I thought. 
I just find it hard to completely trust in the online persona, after having the experiences I described earlier.

In all honesty, there's a part of me that thinks social networking might actually be pretty unhealthy. I hate myself for wasting time trawling through often mindless posts and for actually caring. I also cringe at those who feel the need to share far too much. However, I still use facebook and twitter every day, probably only because everyone else does.

I can't come up with a definitive answer to my own question. Part of me is glad that I've been able to warn myself off of certain people, upon learning that they have no online boundaries. Part of me hates that I can slightly judge someone that is perfectly nice to talk to, because they can't spell or punctuate to save themselves.*

I would like your opinions on this issue, my online friends, which makes this post all sorts of ironic. Post a wee comment below. Promise I won't judge you for putting "xx" after it.

*This post really puts pressure on me to spell and punctuate properly doesn't it? Gulp.